Belated # 2

June 18, 2008

My first day of work.

I got up around 7:30 and went down stairs to learn how to clean the pool. I was trained by Benedicte’s sister who never gave me her name nor did she bother to ask for mine, I think the French aren’t good with introductions in general, because that seemingly has been the case for the past two days, minus Jean-Christophe, Benedicte’s nephew, who introduced himself right away. Anyways, I was wearing the wrong clothing so I ran upstairs to change and grabbed a bite to eat before running back down stairs. She then proceeded to teach me how to clean the pool in broken English because I don’t understand enough French. I think she was a little bitter about that. I also met an English woman who is staying here with here husband and her two young sons, she was nice and I offered to babysit for her if she ever wanted to do some tourism with her husband, she seemed nice and might be a good escape from my confused French world.

After that I went and learned how to clean the apartments and made the beds with Mm. Suave she was very impressed when I asked if I should close the door in French, “Ferme la porte?”. When I was done cleaning I had lunch with Mr. and Mm. Suave and then I went and took a nap since I was still getting over a little jet lag. When I woke up, (which was difficult) I did a little bit of television watching, I took a walk in the woods and surveyed the grounds, I read my French books and looked at maps and mostly stayed out of sight, I guess I just didn’t want to impose. At around 7 Jean Christophe came upstairs to get me for dinner which apparently I had missed, but I didn’t know I’d missed it because this was the first I’d heard and apparently I was supposed to know when to come eat dinner because I got scolded for being late. During dinner I got a phone call from Benedicte who said that I shouldn’t have disappeared all day and that when I’m done with my work I should go ask if there is anything else I can do. The whole conversation took me to the edge of tears and I was in the same room with Jean Suave and didn’t want to cry, so I was eating dinner choking back tears. I got over myself enough to go use the internet and skype my family, thankfully everyone (but my Dad) was home, he was at work sadly and I didn’t get to talk to him but I did get an e-mail from him. After a couple hours on line I went up to bed, took a shower and watched a bit of “Singing in The Rain”, it was in French, but it was comforting to see and since I know the whole movie pretty much by heart it didn’t really matter, plus the songs were in English. I’m really lonely, I think that’s the worst part right now, is how lonely I feel, I feel like I’m doing everything wrong, I can’t speak the Language, I can’t get to meals on time, I can’t clean the pool right. I almost wish I wasn’t here but I keep convincing myself that this will get better and will be the experience of a life time, whether it’s pleasant or not. But all the shit that I’ve bought, all the CD’s and books and everything, I feel as if none of it has helped and I’m still completely clueless as to say what I want and as to what others are saying, maybe it’s because I’m not having the normal American tourist experience.

I’m so glad that Ben will be coming to visit next week, he knows so much more French than I do, I won’t be lonely (at least for a couple days) and I’ll have some one to share and explore with. Hopefully he’s as excited about it as I am. Right now I just feel lonely and hopeless and that I shouldn’t have come, at least not alone, and I should just try to turn around and go home now. But there are so many reasons why I shouldn’t do that. At least it’s beautiful here, at least there are dogs that will always love me and accept me for whatever I do, at least there is an English Family here and there are probably much more to come, at least Ben is coming to visit and thankfully (or not) Benedicte and her Daughter will be here this weekend and will be able to communicate with me more fluently. Gosh this is a scary thing, but I’ll get through it. I will.